You Can Do Better – How To Order Drinks Like a Pro

By Brian Lemay 60 comments


Hey, I would like to order a drink. Mm-hmm? Oh, uh, uh, a martini. Can I, um,
get a martini? Gin or vodka? Uh… vodka? On the rocks?
Would you like a twist? Olives, a Gibson,
dirty-dry, stirred-shaken? (stammering) Uh, you know what,
actually, uh, let me get a martini later,
I totally forgot. I hate to see that
because I’ve been there. I felt so bad
for the guy. Drinking is one of
those weird things where it seems
simple, right? It’s just
something everybody does. But there’s consequences. You should be taught
how to drink, because not only do you have
to learn how to do it right, you have to learn how
to do it right while drunk. Every time
you go out drinking, the stakes are high. Mm-hmm. It could be, like,
a super great night, or– The worst of your life. It could be the worst. There are consequences–
job loss… Ruined relationships. Horrible nicknames. Lifelong teasing. Conversely, there could be
some wonderful stuff. You could meet the love
of your life because you’re
socially braver. Social bravery, exactly. But no one teaches
you how, so… Work on it. Because you
can do better… At drinking. Mm-hmm. (glasses clink) Yes, “up” means shaken
with ice to chill it, but it’s not
served over ice. “On the rocks”
means over ice. “Twist”
is lemon peel, it’s a garnish like olives
or cocktail onion, the latter of which
makes it a Gibson. (Abbi)
“Dirty” means
with olive juice, “dry” means
less vermouth. You should
just order a, a gin martini
up with a twist. It’s the best version. Yeah, I’ll take that. (bartender)
Yeah, you’ve got it. (Matthew)
Uh, these drinks are on him. Oh, thank you! Yeah. What? The most important thing that a drinker needs to get
comfortable with is ordering a drink, which means you need to get
comfortable in bars. So, if you’re new to this world
or haven’t done much exploring, here are five bars that
you’re likely to encounter and how to order
in each. The dive bar. The purest
expression of a bar. You go there to drink,
and it looks like it. No frills, bunch of regulars
at the bar, a bartender who expects
you to know what you want, and what you want– probably bottled beer
and straight spirits. I love dive bars, but I wouldn’t necessarily drink
the tonic water here. Pubs or sports bars. If bars were family, this would
be like the fun uncle, the one with the pool table
and the large screen TV and a small roster of jokes
that he brings out every time you go over. This is the land of beer
and the home of the highball, so don’t over-complicate
your order. No one should be
drinking a martini while they’re
playing darts. The cocktail nerd bar. Definitely order
a fancy cocktail, but be sure to check in
with the bartender, get their
advice because, like comic book store owners
and vegans, they love to
share their expertise by telling you exactly
what you should get. Wine bars. I would avoid these bars. Wine by the glass
is for people who don’t drink. It’s like being forced to order
a sandwich at an airport. It’s too expensive and you
literally have no other options. If you do find yourself
in one of these places, don’t be tricked into spending
more than you need, ’cause you know
what also works? The cheapest glass of wine. Lastly, the Tiki bar. Even if you’ve never been
to one of these bars, like pornography
to a Supreme Court Justice, you’ll know it
when you see it. Hawaiian shirts, drinks served
in comically large bowls, just tons of
bamboo everywhere. So, order the biggest,
booziest drink you can until you’re all singing along
to that Don Ho record that they’re
inevitably playing. So, in summary, know your
surroundings, order what
the bar is known for, and tip your bartender,
please.

60 Comments

kozinc

Aug 8, 2016, 1:12 pm Reply

First time hearing of this show and I am going to watch it. somehow it makes me think of a cross between Adam Ruins Everything and Hack My Life.

lemonlateralus

Aug 8, 2016, 2:52 pm Reply

You forgot the craft beer bar!

Edwin Ramirez

Aug 8, 2016, 4:59 pm Reply

if not a beer oriented place, (usually people can differentiate) just ask for the bartender's recommendation.

jnzkngs

Sep 9, 2016, 8:17 pm Reply

I don't drink and almost nowhere caries Guinness' near beer as opposed to stuff that tastes like swill. 🙁

Pedro Paiva

Oct 10, 2016, 4:06 pm Reply

The tip is stupid… I dont undestand that culture of tip

Suyash Kathar

Aug 8, 2017, 10:31 am Reply

Adam says don't Tip…. you say Tip please….. 😂😂🤣🤣🤣

The O

Oct 10, 2017, 5:52 am Reply

Taking those notes

MNINR

Jan 1, 2018, 8:18 pm Reply

She asked if he wants his Martini on the rock? Why would you ask that??????

Eduardo Uraga

Feb 2, 2018, 11:53 pm Reply

Martinis aren't suppose to be shaken, they are stirred.

Sean Southwick

Mar 3, 2018, 10:24 pm Reply

this is so pretentious.

Yellow Belly

Mar 3, 2018, 7:46 pm Reply

How to order drinks: hey I want a drink. Bam done.

alex leyva

Apr 4, 2018, 7:50 pm Reply

If you’ve met your wife/husband at a bar hold this L

jallu

Apr 4, 2018, 10:52 am Reply

In my country no one tips
Its nor part of our culture

prithvi bumia

May 5, 2018, 5:43 am Reply

Hello , I would like a dirty martini, stirred not shaken. (Shaken is a lie people)

rob rick

Jun 6, 2018, 2:10 am Reply

I'll just have a water.

tony inthemix

Jul 7, 2018, 4:50 am Reply

coke and crown boom

The Modern Hippie

Jul 7, 2018, 12:06 pm Reply

Martini – gin, dry, extra dirty with extra olives

killer of my enemies

Jul 7, 2018, 1:05 am Reply

I remember when i was 5 or 6 years i just toke a a beer from my dad just toke the biggest slurp ever

Sandeep Bjm

Jul 7, 2018, 2:49 am Reply

You know in some countries tipping is rude. So watch out.

Manny

Jul 7, 2018, 3:22 am Reply

Say, whatever gets me drunk

Manny

Jul 7, 2018, 9:29 pm Reply

I guess this makes sense if you've grown up in the basement of a cult's church and your parents are dead and you have no friends to teach you anything. Other than that, this is bunk.

Originalcopy20

Aug 8, 2018, 11:29 am Reply

And then in Europe, you also have ''Reggaeton bars''. Don't go there, just don't

Gabe Goldweight

Aug 8, 2018, 10:45 pm Reply

So sick of these pretentious hipster advice garbage! Enjoy the moment, order whaterver and if you get it wrong, you learn!

This is why so many still live with their parents. These hipster hippies do not know how to socialize and live life without fear.

Why not create a video that teaches others to grow up, walk to a bar and ask for whatever they want, if they don't have it, ask for something else, at worst, what would be recommended!

Wilhelm I.

Aug 8, 2018, 12:05 am Reply

How to go out drinking in the fatherland, be 16+, go to literally any store, buy a case of beer for each person, and at least a bottle of vodka for every other, and half a dozen bottles of coke, pay the 30€ and enjoy at home with your mates

Russia Love

Aug 8, 2018, 2:10 am Reply

He said martini.. why she ask on the rocks???

Felipe Cornejo

Sep 9, 2018, 7:30 am Reply

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? You avoided wine bar?! Of course it's hard to know what a wine is! ;9

Disinf3ctant

Sep 9, 2018, 4:59 pm Reply

Wine bars are the opposite in Australia. Literally the cheapest alcoholic thing you can drink. The government barely taxes wine.

Orangey OW

Sep 9, 2018, 8:48 pm Reply

Im a muslim but I'll watch this anyways

7peso

Oct 10, 2018, 6:09 pm Reply

Best part : drinks are one him… why thank you!!!yeeah…:)))

Bruce Brooker

Oct 10, 2018, 2:10 am Reply

"Like porn to a Supreme Court Justice"…love it!
Customer: Hey can you make a Martini? Bartender: Can you make a shoe stink?

Mark

Nov 11, 2018, 5:20 am Reply

Step 1: find a less condescending bartender

GravityLee

Nov 11, 2018, 10:04 pm Reply

If I go to a bar and they do this to me thats the last time i go to that bar.

Padraig Lynch

Dec 12, 2018, 5:04 am Reply

Or you could just ask for a pint of Carlsberg

Guy Stevens

Dec 12, 2018, 12:14 pm Reply

Can someone tell this tool that he can do better with his hair? This was painful.

Mathias Aagaarde

Dec 12, 2018, 5:14 pm Reply

this is waaay to American.

Aidan nah nah

Dec 12, 2018, 12:16 am Reply

Want a sprite cranberry?

Chuck Norris

Dec 12, 2018, 10:17 pm Reply

Scotch, on the rocks. Boom just saved your drinking experience

MJJ

Jan 1, 2019, 4:18 am Reply

his face looks like hes had a few drinks and cigarettes in his life

hidazip

Jan 1, 2019, 12:16 pm Reply

Japanese bar. Drink whatever you want, as much as you want for the same price. Tipping is forbidden. But don't forget to tell them not to put ice in a whisky when you want it straight.

hidazip

Jan 1, 2019, 12:20 pm Reply

I never get asked anything when I order a martini. What even is a martini on the rock.

wariyoshidirector

Jan 1, 2019, 4:56 am Reply

Eh people are calling this pretentious (and it is; the worst that will happen if you don't know what you're ordering is your friends will lightly tease you), but I feel like this is an important video for first time drinkers. I drink a decent amount, but I've never had the inkling to order a martini, so now I know 🙂

gbluecheez

Feb 2, 2019, 9:53 pm Reply

i usually just get a beer

Kevin Eontrainer

Feb 2, 2019, 8:39 pm Reply

Hey I'd like a glass of Dihydrogen Monoxide. Make sure the pH is 7.
Two can play that game…

Ernesto Jerezaguilar

Mar 3, 2019, 9:09 am Reply

"double shot of jack, neat. And a pint of Guinness"

Darth Vader

Mar 3, 2019, 8:34 am Reply

start grocery store

Jagabee

Mar 3, 2019, 8:17 am Reply

Whiskey, neat.

HabitualLover

Mar 3, 2019, 11:09 pm Reply

Irritating how large they feel toward the guy who's just unfamiliar. Ppl like that are so overdue for getting over themselves.

MARTINFITNESS4LIFE GONZALES

Apr 4, 2019, 4:28 pm Reply

Abunk.

ohheyleighannn

Apr 4, 2019, 2:30 am Reply

…Yeah, that guy, in the beginning, is basically me in every situation. My nerves always get the best of me

Barak Busby

Apr 4, 2019, 7:37 pm Reply

This hardly helped! Thanks

Khurram Ali

Apr 4, 2019, 11:56 am Reply

Did not help at all. I usually have to go the bar and ask the bartender what whiskies they have. Sometimes I ask the bartender what good whisky cocktails he knows. If he names more than a couple I ask him to tell me a bit more about them. I must be a huge pain in the ass I guess.

Nathan Explosion m/

Apr 4, 2019, 7:18 pm Reply

"One beer and a Jäger please."
That's it, no magic behind ordering something to drink.

blah

Jun 6, 2019, 4:08 am Reply

This is the worst advice ever. Do what you want and don't worry about what losers like this guy thinks!

X S

Jun 6, 2019, 1:43 am Reply

I would just order a glass milk, warm.

Kyle Sterling

Jul 7, 2019, 7:26 am Reply

I would be like "just give me a goddamn draft of Sam Adams and a shot of Jamison ".

Big Daddy Toyota Corola

Jul 7, 2019, 3:38 pm Reply

or….just get beer?

Katelyn Cecelia

Aug 8, 2019, 1:40 am Reply

What if I just want an Long Island Iced tea and a shot of tequila 💀🤣

Eric Neely

Aug 8, 2019, 11:12 am Reply

There was a time when I actually said, "I want a Mer-Lot" as in Big Lots, a lot, that's my "lot" in life, you get the idea. 😐

Alejandro Legra

Aug 8, 2019, 8:21 pm Reply

Thank you guys i learned nothing.

Michael S

Aug 8, 2019, 5:30 pm Reply

You can do better at drinking. Yeah ok. Most Americans should not be allowed out of their homes until they become true capital allocators.
Oh well. Guess no one would ever leave home.
Moronic video.

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