What Trump’s New Tariffs Will Do To Beer, Avocados & Tequila

By Brian Lemay 100 comments


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,” I’M
YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) TODAY IS A SOLEMN DAY. IT’S THE ANNIVERSARY OF D-DAY,
WHEN WE BEAT THE NAZIS, ONCE AND FOR ALL, UNTIL VERY RECENTLY. ( LAUGHTER )
PRETTY GOOD RUN, YOU HAVE TO SAY, 75 YEARS. PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS IN NORMANDY
TO COMMEMORATE THE OCCASION. HE GAVE A SPEECH THAT WAS BY ALL
ACCOUNTS– AND I HOPE I’M SAYING THIS RIGHT– PRESIDENTIAL? ( LAUGHTER )
HAVEN’T SEEN THAT WORD IN A WHILE. THAT CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT
ONCE HE WASN’T READING SOMEONE ELSE’S WORDS. FOR INSTANCE, TRUMP SAT DOWN
WITH FRENCH PRESIDENT, AND MAN SAYING (FRENCH ACCENT) “HERE IS
THE CHURCH, HERE IS THE STEEPLE!”
EMMANUEL MACRON. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP TOLD MACRON ABOUT THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE D-DAY
LANDING BEACHES.>>IT IS A VERY SPECIAL PLACE. IT IS AN AMAZING PLACE. IT’S SOMEWHERE, WHEN YOU THINK
OF THOSE PLACES OF GREAT IMPORTANCE, THIS IS CERTAINLY
ONE OF THE TOP IN THE EYES OF SOME, IT IS THE —
— IT’S THE TOP.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“IN TERMS OF THE TOP PLACES OF AMAZING IMPORTANCE, IT’S AMAZING
HOW TOP IMPORTANT IT IS. ‘THE’ TOP, SOME SAY, WHEN YOU
THINK OF PLACES, AND TOPS, AND CERTAINLY ONE OF THE FEW BEACHES
IN FRANCE WHERE PEOPLE WEAR TOPS.” ( LAUGHTER )
AM I CORRECT? TELL ME IF I’M CORRECT. ( PIANO RIFF )
TRUMP HAD MORE PRAISE FOR HIS HOST COUNTRY, AND THE PALACE
THEY WERE IN.>>I’D LOVE YOU TO TELL SOME OF
THE FOLKS IN THE MEDIA, LIKE YOU DID ME, HOW IT STARTED WITH
NAPOLEON. IT’S A VERY INTERESTING PLACE
THAT WE’RE IN. AND, AS YOU KNOW, FRANCE HAS
MANY INTERESTING PLACES.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“YES, NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT, JON. FRANCE HAS SO MANY INTERESTING
PLACES. THERE’S HUNCHBACK CHURCH, PENIS
TOWER, THAT PLACE WHERE THE NAKED LADIES DANCE, THE
CROISSANT MINES, THE TOAST MUSEUM, AND THE ACADEMY OF
TONGUE-KISSING.” TRUMP EXPLAINED HOW HE MET A NEW
TYPE OF PERSON WHO TAUGHT HIM THINGS ON HIS TRAVELS.>>THEY CALLED THEM “THE
GUIDES.” AND THEY WERE GUIDING US. THEY WERE TELLING US WHAT
HAPPENED AND WHEN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: YES, THEY CALL THEM “THE GUIDES.” I, TOO, HAVE MET “THE GUIDES.” THEY LED US TO “THE BUS,” AND
SAID UNTO US “LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT, FOR IT IS THE ARC DE
TRIOMPHE.” AND LO, THEY BEQUEATHED UNTO US
“THE BOXED LUNCH.” ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP WAS ALSO ASKED ABOUT WHETHER HE WOULD LEAD AMERICA TO
FRANCE’S DEFENSE AGAIN.>>IN 2004, GEORGE W. BUSH SAID,
HERE IN NORMANDY, “WE WOULD DO IT AGAIN FOR OUR FRIENDS”, WOULD
YOU SAY THAT TOO?>>IT IS VERY SAD BUT I WOULD
ABSOLUTELY BE RIGHT THERE. I WOULD BE RIGHT THERE.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“ABSOLUTELY. I’D BE RIGHT THERE. ESPECIALLY NOW THAT THOSE WORLD
WAR II SOLDIERS ARE SO OLD AND EASY TO FIGHT. BING-BANG-BOOM, NIGHTYNIGHT,
GRANDPA, BEACH SAVED!” THAT’S WHAT THE GUIDE TOLD ME. ( LAUGHTER )
THE PRESIDENT IS FACING HIS OWN BATTLES BACK HOME. YESTERDAY, HOUSE DEMOCRATIC
LEADERS MET IN PRIVATE TO TALK ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. AND THINGS GOT HEATED BETWEEN
SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE NANCY PELOSI AND HOUSE JUDICIARY
CHAIRMAN AND PROUD FATHER OF TWO WONDERFUL CHAIRS, JERRY NADLER. ( LAUGHTER )
NADLER WANTS TO LAUNCH AN IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY AGAINST
TRUMP, BUT PELOSI TURNED HIM DOWN, RESPONDING, “I DON’T WANT
TO SEE HIM IMPEACHED, I WANT TO SEE HIM IN PRISON.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) WHY DO WE HAVE TO CHOOSE? ( LAUGHTER )
AND DEMOCRATS AREN’T TRUMP’S ONLY PROBLEM. LAST WEEK, TRUMP THREATENED THAT
IF MEXICO DID NOT STOP CENTRAL AMERICAN MIGRANTS FROM CROSSING
INTO THE UNITED STATES, HE WOULD PUT A 5% TARIFF ON
EVERYTHING WE IMPORT FROM THEM STARTING THIS COMING MONDAY. EVERYONE WILL FEEL THESE
TARIFFS. OUR TOP FOUR AGRICULTURAL
IMPORTS FROM MEXICO ARE BEER, AVOCADOS, TOMATOES, AND TEQUILA. TRUMP’S PUTTING A TARIFF ON
SUMMER! ( LAUGHTER )
SO, IF YOU LIKE AVOCADOS, I SUGGEST STOCKING UP AND THEN
EATING THEM ALL THIS WEEKEND BECAUSE THEY’RE GOING TO GO BAD. ( LAUGHTER )
THEY’RE NOT RIPE — THEY’RE HARD, THEY’RE HARD, THEY’RE
HARD, THEY’RE MUSH. THEY’RE GONE. THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA THAT
CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS ARE FLIRTING WITH REBELLION. OOOH, OH, OH REALLY? FLIRTING, FLIRTING — FLIRTING
WITH REBELLION. THAT COULD LEAD TO A DALLIANCE
WITH INTEGRITY, MAKING EYES AT GOVERNANCE, AND THEN AT THE
CHRISTMAS PARTY, A DRUNKEN HOOKUP WITH DEFENDING THE
CONSTITUTION. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) THEY ARE 100%.>>Jon: YEAH, INCREDIBLE.>>Stephen: I KNOW FOR A FACT
YOU ARE NOT APPLAUDING THE CONSTITUTION. YOU ARE APPLAUDING DRUNKEN
HOOKUPS RIGHT NOW. ( CHEERING )
THIS WEEK, THE G.O.P. CAUCUS MET WITH WHITE HOUSE OFFICIALS TO
LEARN WHAT TRUMP’S PLAN WAS. AND HOW’D THAT GO?>>ONE REPUBLICAN AIDE AFTER
THIS MEETING WAS OVER WITH, THEY DESCRIBED THIS AS A CLUSTER-F. I WON’T COMPLETE THE WORD THERE.>>STEPHEN: OH, OH! CAN I GUESS? ( LAUGHTER )
CLUSTER — CLUSTER — CLUSTER F —
IS IT CLUSTER FARM? CLUSTER FRIENDS? IT’S JUSTER ( BLEEP ), ISN’T I
IT’S CLUSTER ( BLEEP ). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO? WHY THE POTTY MOUTH? NOW, THERE HAVE BEEN RUMORS THAT
REPUBLICANS ARE SO UPSET ABOUT THESE TARIFFS THAT THEY MIGHT DO
ANYTHING. THOSE RUMORS WERE SHOVED INTO A
SHALLOW GRAVE BY SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND MAN WHO JUST READ AN
ARTICLE ABOUT HIS BODY’S HIDDEN PLEASURE CENTERS —
( LAUGHTER ) MITCH McCONNELL, WHO SAID
“MOST OF US HOPE THAT THIS MEXICAN
DELEGATION THAT’S COME UP HERE AND DISCUSSED THE CHALLENGES AT
THE BORDER– AND WHAT THE MEXICANS MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO TO
HELP US MORE THAN THEY HAVE – WILL BE FRUITFUL AND THAT THESE
TARIFFS WILL NOT KICK IN.” YES, HE’S HOPING THAT THEY’LL
GET TRUMP TO NOT PUT THE TARIFFS ON. IN OTHER WORDS, MCCONNELL WANTS
THE MEXICANS TO DO THE JOBS AMERICAN POLITICIANS WON’T DO. THE MEXICANS WENT TO THE WHITE
HOUSE AND– NO. BACK IN EUROPE, TRUMP TOOK TIME
OUT OF HIS DAY OF SOLEMN REMEMBRANCE TO FIRE BACK AT HIS
CONGRESSIONAL CRITICS.>>A LOT OF PEOPLE, SENATORS
INCLUDED, THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT WHEN IT
COMES TO TARIFFS. THEY HAVE NO– ABSOLUTELY NO
IDEA. WHEN YOU HAVE THE MONEY, WHEN
YOU HAVE THE PRODUCT, WHEN YOU HAVE THE THING THAT EVERYBODY
WANTS, YOU’RE IN A POSITION TO DO VERY WELL WITH TARIFFS.>>STEPHEN: YES, UNLIKE THOSE
STUPID SENATORS, TRUMP UNDERSTANDS COMPLEX ECONOMIC
PRINCIPLES LIKE “MONEY,” AND “PRODUCT,” AND “THING.” THEN TRUMP UNVEILED A NEW
NICKNAME FOR NANCY PELOSI.>>I CALL HER NERVOUS NANCY.>>STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP)
“SOMETHING ABOUT ME HAVING CONTROL OF OUR NUCLEAR ARSENAL
MAKES HER SKITTISH!” ( LAUGHTER )
SPEAKER PELOSI WAS ALSO IN NORMANDY TO HONOR D-DAY. AND WHEN SHE WAS ASKED TO
RESPOND TO TRUMP, SHE WAS ZERO PERCENT NERVOUS.>>I DON’T TALK ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT WHILE I’M OUT OF THE COUNTRY. THAT’S MY PRINCIPLE.>>STEPHEN: (AS PELOSI)
“BUT AS SOON AS I’M FLYING OVER INTERNATIONAL WATERS, YOU GIVE
ME AN AIRPLANE CHARDONNAY, AND THE CLAWS WILL COME OUT.” ( LAUGHTER )
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. MINDY KALING IS HERE. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, “MEANWHILE!”
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

100 Comments

Lana Navan

Jun 6, 2019, 12:30 am Reply

It will make the Jews richer

DownHill Phil

Jun 6, 2019, 1:04 am Reply

'drunkin' hookups' was my band's name…..

Songs Mirth

Jun 6, 2019, 1:24 am Reply

I'm with Nancy. I want him in prison and I want Mitch in prison. He's backed this monster all the way and is also responsible for those innocent kids dying. And like Trump he could care less. All he wants is to keep his power. Neither one of them care about the American people. They can't let this tariff pass. And President Macron doesn't trust Trump for a second. And Trump's lack of knowing about Napoleon shows, again, how stupid he is. He's done this before. He finds out something for the first time (like Puerto Rico being a Commonwealth of the United States and an island ((a BIG island)), and he thinks because he didn't know it no one in the whole world didn't know it. lolol This sure proves he hates studying anything. He supposed to have advisors who accompany him and give him expert information. But I bet he doesn't. He didn't when he went to China and was taken to a factory where they steal the designs of other people's inventions. Mrs. Xi, looked over at him and smiled and smiled. We will get him out. I'm sick of being embarrassed in front of the world with this spoiled six year old. 🙁 Songs

Derek Mulling

Jun 6, 2019, 3:30 am Reply

Yeah for real tho why do we have to choose?

Angry Kittens

Jun 6, 2019, 4:48 am Reply

Wow. I want to meet The Guides someday.

cristiano ronaldo

Jun 6, 2019, 6:17 am Reply

?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️for God sake trump just shut the hell up !

isa tan

Jun 6, 2019, 6:25 am Reply

Gosh, he sure knows a lot <cringe>

Furrball Nirpaw

Jun 6, 2019, 8:32 am Reply

Meanwhile! Trump went home and looked on the internet to learn more about the interesting people call guides. He came across the TV Guide and ruined the Presidential Chair. Or the Ohhhhvale office chair now.

Einstein.186

Jun 6, 2019, 10:41 am Reply

Retarded Trump.

Hi Neil of ‘Cidi Al-Masry’ Sidi Al-Masri Sandage

Jun 6, 2019, 11:24 am Reply

1:34 ~ Yep. 50:90N versus all those south of the line.
The new Russia Versus Sweden, who gets to get on top of the Women, Bothers.
M269 is not a subclade of R1, some horrible liar, with a pencil and some fiction paper.
https://www.familytreedna.com/learn/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Y_Map_12_17_2015.png

Hi Neil of ‘Cidi Al-Masry’ Sidi Al-Masri Sandage

Jun 6, 2019, 11:24 am Reply

1:34 ~ Yep. 50:90N versus all those south of the line.
The new Russia Versus Sweden, who gets to get on top of the Women, Bothers.
M269 is not a subclade of R1, some horrible liar, with a pencil and some fiction paper.
https://www.familytreedna.com/learn/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Y_Map_12_17_2015.png

Hi Neil of ‘Cidi Al-Masry’ Sidi Al-Masri Sandage

Jun 6, 2019, 11:28 am Reply

2:00 ~ yes, i want wanting to pick a battle where it was soldiers versus tanks, or tanks vs tanks. None of this #DunKirk which has some hidden fonetiq meaning, that became star trek, and the mind control on Winston Churchhill, where he locked himself in a roof and argued with thought projection, "intrusive thoughts", from outside his own head, and in fact from outside of the room he locked himself within.

#SuperHetEroDyne generating a 3rd frequency between two stereo frequency.

Hi Neil of ‘Cidi Al-Masry’ Sidi Al-Masri Sandage

Jun 6, 2019, 11:28 am Reply

2:00 ~ yes, i want wanting to pick a battle where it was soldiers versus tanks, or tanks vs tanks. None of this #DunKirk which has some hidden fonetiq meaning, that became star trek, and the mind control on Winston Churchhill, where he locked himself in a roof and argued with thought projection, "intrusive thoughts", from outside his own head, and in fact from outside of the room he locked himself within.

#SuperHetEroDyne generating a 3rd frequency between two stereo frequency.

Steve Downs

Jun 6, 2019, 12:21 pm Reply

Trump sounds so uninterested and bored when he talks..Does he never absorb any of the culture and significance of where he is? I fee so sorry for all of us, please let it end 🙁

Andreas Ruesch

Jun 6, 2019, 12:41 pm Reply

plesae good lord let rain some brain into 45´s head, just a little……..

Taema Nai

Jun 6, 2019, 1:18 pm Reply

I'm tired of asking why our President doesn't know what D-day or Tour Guides are.

Angelo Cruz

Jun 6, 2019, 1:25 pm Reply

It amazes me reading these comments as I know he’ll be re elected in 2020..

FreeSoftware

Jun 6, 2019, 2:26 pm Reply

02:00 If I had sat there, talking bullshit like that, the French president would have stood up and leave. This must be torture for all statesmen around the world.

Gisley Alves

Jun 6, 2019, 2:54 pm Reply

In every country, one will find wise and fool people, but Donald Trump is the clear proof that money can't buy wisdom ; the guy is a moron; the worse president America has ever had. Trump is the stupidity's personification. Greetings from Brazil american folks.

Marcio Alvarado

Jun 6, 2019, 6:18 pm Reply

Emmanuel MeCHRÖÖN !!!

Schroedinger Cat

Jun 6, 2019, 7:26 pm Reply

how can anyone listen to Trump and think his brain is working properly? If you compare him to himself even 10 years ago, it is completely stunning how much his brain has degenerated

Phil S

Jun 6, 2019, 7:46 pm Reply

He likes baseball cards lol

Naþan Ø

Jun 6, 2019, 8:04 pm Reply

Allow me to explain D-day to those who don’t know. Like the President.

SIXTH OF JUNE NINETEEN FOURTY-FOUR
ALLIES ARE TURNING THE WAR
NORMANDY STATE OF ANARCHY
OVERLORD

Daniele Di Lorenzo

Jun 6, 2019, 2:45 am Reply

https://cdn-img-a.facciabuco.com/195/1p0kq0k49t-ma-tu-le-paghi-le-tasse-no-io-piaccio-bestiacce-post-by-ruspen_a.jpg

Lane Quenemoen

Jun 6, 2019, 4:47 am Reply

More tax on Mondelo and Cuervo. My liver wants to impeach him.

Hoodoo Man

Jun 6, 2019, 8:25 am Reply

If the Nazis had won the war we would likely have colonies on the moon and mars by now. And I realize the cost of human suffering. But how is Israel any less culpable in the persecution on the Palestinian people? Twisting Pretzels can be a risky business. And tends to make you look as bad as the person you point your finger at.

CJ

Jun 6, 2019, 10:12 am Reply

Trump’s actually stupid ?

jaywayway

Jun 6, 2019, 1:36 pm Reply

Why Oh WHY do we have to be given the imagery of Mitch McConnell possibly finding out he has a pleasure centre? My Mind. My poor innocent-ish mind!!!

Audra Maxwell

Jun 6, 2019, 2:43 pm Reply

Who else threw up in their mouth at the mention of McConnells pleasure body parts. EWWWWW!!!

milkamilla

Jun 6, 2019, 5:06 pm Reply

Macron looks just about done with his shit.

OldRaver1

Jun 6, 2019, 5:41 pm Reply

Was Trump really expecting Macron to teach the news pack the history of Napoleon?

Seriously? It’s like he heard about him for the first time! (another dictator for him to admire!)

Whatever your father paid for your education, ask for a refund ?

Linda Liebenthal

Jun 6, 2019, 5:52 pm Reply

I think Colbert should get a 9 year old actor..No. Wait..a 7 y.o. actor on the show to recite Trump's Normandy speech, but then that'd be so cruel to the kid. So so cruel. It isn't the kid's fault that Trump speaks like a second grader.

Cinerdella

Jun 6, 2019, 6:09 pm Reply

Trump sounds like me when I tried to wing a report on a book I didn't read in middle school

babybree175

Jun 6, 2019, 6:16 pm Reply

Why do they let him speaks with any guest at all?

megfunful

Jun 6, 2019, 10:10 pm Reply

Whatever 45 talks is a shame. He tells nothing, what a shame. We never had something like this as a President, he disgraced the presidency.

Grace

Jun 6, 2019, 1:06 am Reply

"I don't want to see him impeach. I want to see him in prison. " Speaker Pelosi. 🙂

systemspm

Jun 6, 2019, 2:09 am Reply

the croissant mines ahahaah

roger shakey

Jun 6, 2019, 3:09 am Reply

I like the thought of Amerika watching over us . I am from holland and the thought of Chinese or russian military action just scare the shit out of me. 2 billion Chinese? Jezus it took jus t a couple of million of well weaponed german s to take europe. I think with south Amerika turning into dictator ruled countries we should back america all the way.

Darsana Bloodmourn

Jun 6, 2019, 4:36 am Reply

So Trump was in the palace of Napoleon? The same Napoleon who was the FIRST Antichrist of Nostradamus? How fitting looks like destiny has come ful circle. Wonder if Hitler did the same.

Dietitian Ny Fahaverezan’ Ny Vesatra

Jun 6, 2019, 5:16 am Reply

Who ever love fast food ,hit the like button.

Mitchell Foy

Jun 6, 2019, 9:25 am Reply

Normandy I don’t like to brag in front of the guides, but I’m the greatest ever. Amazing place for me to be.

CipherBytes

Jun 6, 2019, 4:16 pm Reply

A man who dodges his own taxes should have no authority to levy tariffs or taxes on anyone else.

F. O.

Jun 6, 2019, 5:29 pm Reply

STFU azz-hat!!!

tuan truong

Jun 6, 2019, 7:18 pm Reply

cobert only a clown . he try to make something funny .he did understanding about economy and politic .after night show ,ever he put his hand infront his head and thinking "what he did say "and how ever he though people have laugh on his show !

will frank

Jun 6, 2019, 9:31 pm Reply

"Hi, I'm Stephen Colbert. I'm going to make every other word Trump for the next half hour so buckle up"

KittySnicker

Jun 6, 2019, 2:53 am Reply

Damn it he’s after my avocados again!! Fucker!

Jacqueline White

Jun 6, 2019, 2:57 am Reply

Remember, if tRump is impeached you get Pence as president, just as evil, but smarter.

The Amazing Spatterman

Jun 6, 2019, 10:34 am Reply

0:50
2:29

Kay Omholt-Montague

Jun 6, 2019, 9:23 pm Reply

Trump doesn't even know what a guide is! LMFAO!

Anisa Mazaki

Jun 6, 2019, 10:08 pm Reply

I agree with Nancy. Impeachment now seems like an easy way to get off for all the shit he's done and it's not fair.

hxoss mad

Jun 6, 2019, 3:55 am Reply

i’m sorry sir but nobody asked at all

MrVeggie247

Jun 6, 2019, 10:55 am Reply

I wonder how it feels to be wrong all the time.
To be the center of all the best jokes.
And with absolutely nobody outside of your own sphere who likes you.
I'm glad i'm a Trump supporter instead 😀

Jimmy Desmond

Jun 6, 2019, 5:38 pm Reply

What no mention of reality from Stephen Colbert? What a surprise… At least John Stewart would tell the truth

John Echols

Jun 6, 2019, 12:05 am Reply

I love beer, avacados and tequila… absolutely willing to pay more to stop the Illegal immigrant invasion…. definitely cheaper than all the welfare, medical and education they suck up at our expense.

khuang96

Jun 6, 2019, 9:57 am Reply

5:29–5:39 whoever wrote that deserves a raise

Linda Piet

Jun 6, 2019, 7:43 pm Reply

Nancy Pelosi is a class act and Trump is an ass!

Sarah Pedro

Jun 6, 2019, 6:30 am Reply

Shes right tho. No one in the world hates dump more than me. But if he's cleared of impeachment by the Senate, which he would be, they wouldnt be able to prosecute him. So. It sucks major ass but THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DON'T VOTE. A DODDERING, REPUGNANT, CHILD RAPING PSYCHOPATHIC RETARDED HOG CARCASS LEFT OUT IN THE SUN TOO LONG. FUCK DUMP. #WEARETHEREVOLUTION #BERNIEFOREVER #ARISECITIZENS

Jakob Auger

Jun 6, 2019, 9:34 pm Reply

hopefully michigan will not be as stupid this time around, but if they only watch fox, they probably will

Kartini Hanitio

Jun 6, 2019, 11:21 pm Reply

It's always so embarrassingly painful to hear Trump talk, especially in front of those leaders. ???

Reina Arana

Jun 6, 2019, 4:21 pm Reply

Mhm mhm mhm
I really don't see how people who voted for trump think he's so good.
Trump doesn't know anything about politics. He's making up stuff that won't happen

Reina Arana

Jun 6, 2019, 4:24 pm Reply

Trump is putting a tariff on summer ??????????????

Jim Appleby

Jun 6, 2019, 6:24 pm Reply

It must be with a feeling of agonised, toe-curling shame that Americans watch this ignorant, uncultured bumpkin representing them on the world stage.

first last

Jun 6, 2019, 7:25 pm Reply

Yeah avocados have a crazy small window where they are just the right ripeness IMO, interesting to hear that I'm not alone in that.

ZenobiatheAngry BlackWomanRussell

Jun 6, 2019, 1:43 am Reply

Why not do both…

Maria Xyanovna

Jun 6, 2019, 1:31 am Reply

What an idiot trump is.

Steve Anthony

Jun 6, 2019, 6:14 am Reply

Can't help but talk bad about the president cuz he's an obnoxious ass

October Queen

Jun 6, 2019, 4:25 pm Reply

My god, this is pathetic. I am so ashamed of that idiot.

Adri Rizo

Jun 6, 2019, 10:06 pm Reply

As Wanda Sykes says: “It’s not normal.”

Fedde Velema

Jun 6, 2019, 2:08 pm Reply

You defeated the nazis? Dont know about that. The sovjets were already beating back the germans aided by resistance in the countries that were takenover by the nazis. The americans and the brittish and the canadians only launched an attack (d-day) when it was clear that the war in europe was gonna be won by the allies.

hatfieldrick

Jun 6, 2019, 11:31 pm Reply

What a grotesque and shameful moron is our Fake President Rump. He has no idea how the hell tariffs work. Btw, it's a cluster-fund.

Ms Fisher D

Jul 7, 2019, 2:36 am Reply

No wonder tRump's kids talk nonsensical non-English dribble. He taught them.

Neil

Jul 7, 2019, 2:35 pm Reply

avocados. oh my god, Dems are getting dumber everyday.

Phil S

Jul 7, 2019, 8:26 am Reply

The canned laughter is awesome. I get so much enjoyment watching these liberal retards. So so good. At some stage these demorat slaves will realise their masters are fully evil. Trump 2020 full landslide. Hahaha. So good.

Dusty Walter

Jul 7, 2019, 5:18 pm Reply

Nothing at all I drink American only

David Edwards

Jul 7, 2019, 6:47 am Reply

I love how Steven accentuates the French pronunciation of President Macron's name.
But he doesn't accentuate the French pronunciation of HIS OWN name, Colbert.
He pronounces it Cole-Bare, but the way it is written it should be pronounced COLE-BERT.
But Americans have a propensity for mispronouncing names. Jeter, pronounced GEEter. Meents, pronounced MENts, WEEnk, pronounces Wink. And that's just a few sports people.

Gina Kay

Jul 7, 2019, 5:49 pm Reply

I HAVE A TOTALLY NEW RESPECT FOR STEPHEN THIS WEEK. FROM PAIN COMES COMEDY…CHEERS DEAR. 0

Gina Kay

Jul 7, 2019, 5:54 pm Reply

MY KINGDOM TO NEVER HEAR HIS VOICE AGAIN.

Gina Kay

Jul 7, 2019, 6:04 pm Reply

THREE BANKRUPTCIES MAKE FLUMPF A FLOP. #DEMOCRATICWIN2020

ApacheX11

Jul 7, 2019, 8:49 am Reply

What happened at 7:22?
He looked at the camera and said no.

rick wallace

Jul 7, 2019, 12:27 am Reply

I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT TRUMP SUPPORTERS

Tim D

Jul 7, 2019, 4:54 am Reply

Yep. That's what guides do. Guide. Tell stuff. Lots of places. Guides….blah.blah.blah

Wakeless Pluto

Jul 7, 2019, 3:01 pm Reply

Avocados industry in Mexico is ran by Drug lords. WE SHOULD NOT SUPPORT THAT! But, Tariffs only hurt innocent people. Instead of using that money to build a wall. We should use it to take out those asshole evil drug lords, that light children on fire. We should save Mexico from the evils that have taken them

Patrick Bertlein

Jul 7, 2019, 7:55 pm Reply

Do you all think that Colbert could have talked so much crap about Hitler back in Nazi Germany? No, he would have been killed, as well as the rest of his family.

I get its a joke, but its also not helping. People, things are bad, really bad, but to think that our current issues compare to THAT is just ridiculous.

I'm kind of disappointed in you Stephen, and sadly I doubt most will get not only how fortunate we are to not live in a place where you risk your life to mock your countries leader, but the fear such false narratives create.

Jeff Mathis

Aug 8, 2019, 2:10 pm Reply

Trump talking about D-day sounded like a dumb ass kid who didn't do the reading assignment trying to bluff his way through the
test with meaningless word salad. Trump is an inarticulate dope.

HuckFinn

Aug 8, 2019, 5:16 pm Reply

The Sheer Wonderfulness of Donald J. Trump With Perhaps Nearly Imperceptible Embellishments

I’m just puzzled as to why a couple of people would bother to post even the mildest complaints against such a wonderfully gifted person as Donald J. Trump. Even though the vast majority of Americans adore his folksy style, family values, moral purity, humility, honesty, forthrightness, courage, cooperation, moderation, self-control, selflessness, patience, maturity, kindness, generosity, intellect and devotion to our beloved republic, there yet remains perhaps only a couple of individuals who would bother to turn over every possible rock to reveal the most ridiculously petty peccadillo which one should rightfully expect to find even in a “perfect individual”.

Donald J. Trump is undoubtedly the most intellectually gifted politician in the entire history of our nation. There are some who insist that perhaps only Thomas Jefferson might possibly challenge his mental acuity, but readily admit that even he would only compare as a very “distant second” to the sheer heights of Donald’s cerebral grandeur. No other politician in American history could possibly stand so soundly on the mere recall, fluency and mastery of facts and policy understanding as President Trump and when he is in the room …all others are simply “lost” by comparison to his profound knowledge….of history, science, mathematics, economics, philosophy, geo-political insight, geography and of course…the matter of ethics. The matter of debates is completely obviated by the sheerness of his intellectual gravitas. Even his adversaries hold him in the highest regard as he …more than any other American …past or present.. demonstrates the utter respect, compromise and goodwill of the consummate statesman.

President Trump’s integrity has been rightfully compared to that of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. It’s nearly impossible to say if either of these two presidents could really measure up to Donald’s nonpareil standards when it comes to truthfulness and honesty, after all, George Washington is but “rumored to have never lied” whereas no such rumor has ever even soiled Donald’s character. And as to Abe Lincoln, people would probably have to admit that they would give the nod to Donald on honesty as he is completely trusted everywhere . . .even in the South whereas Abe Lincoln was trusted only in the northern “Blue states”. Never has America been so enamored with such incomparable giftedness so devoted to the unity of all American perspectives and persuasions. Given the obvious universal respect he wields (in his own mind) and a very careful examination (if that is even necessary) of his body of work (if one can even be found), this could have only meant one thing for this wonderful president; he’ll enjoy a wonderful Mediterranean cruise which will immediately commence upon his official retirement from office on January 20, 2021 at midday.

James Crews

Aug 8, 2019, 12:20 am Reply

I thought republicans were supposed to be pro capitalism. What happened?

HaibTshajHaib

Aug 8, 2019, 12:52 am Reply

What an idiot? He's a laughingstock!

KNHrags The Goldfish

Aug 8, 2019, 7:17 pm Reply

NoT tHe AdVaDaCo!

Eva Jeduthun

Aug 8, 2019, 9:58 pm Reply

447 Justice Act robbery on Poland . 1952 all Jews were paid by Germany. ..faviours given to cousin Bengie

There is always a rainbow After a little rain

Aug 8, 2019, 4:18 am Reply

Lol this is like the taxes on Tea during the American revolution.

ASMR TexanLatinWhisper

Aug 8, 2019, 6:14 pm Reply

Those WW2 vets even though are older they would still kick Trump's ass real quick.

Will Not

Sep 9, 2019, 3:17 pm Reply

Russia won ww2 sry to say but you Yankees didn't really do alot

Uaine Diabhal

Sep 9, 2019, 2:42 pm Reply

I never thought I'd say this, but I hope someone keeps a few especially horrible diseases on ice after they've been cured. Any disease that kills Mitch McConnell can't be all bad

Beth Putnam

Oct 10, 2019, 11:27 pm Reply

WTF is this moron talking about

Josny13

Oct 10, 2019, 8:54 pm Reply

Drumph should get to know these people called "The Teachers". It appears they too, have much knowledge to share.

HorseMuse

Nov 11, 2019, 8:03 am Reply

How about im? AND Prison!

god concious

Nov 11, 2019, 12:58 pm Reply

AMERICA IS RULED BY AN IDIOT! LETS DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

ppurppple

Dec 12, 2019, 11:50 pm Reply

trump really does not like awkward silences he says all sorts of obvious….twice or three times just to fill in

lemonadecupcakes

Dec 12, 2019, 4:10 pm Reply

Why is he so very, very STUPID?? I literally know preschoolers who are more eloquent. How do people miss this and think he's so great? People I love sing this guy's praises, and I don't understand it. If they were horrible people, I could see it, but they are kind, good-hearted people and I am at a loss as to why they don't recognize his embarrassing ignorance. sigh

jiemmy

Dec 12, 2019, 8:42 pm Reply

Ohhh yeaaahhh treat yourself to some fine meat or veg, music you like (mine Metallica and Delta Parole today) and enjoy ur cold ones everyone.

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