How do you get the best wine in a restaurant? Top secret hacks revealed!

By Brian Lemay 7 comments

I would look the somm right in the eye
and I would say… Welcome wine fans, to Simon of Orange.
I know it’s been a
while, I’m really sorry and maybe you’re wondering why it took me so long
the answer is I was a little bit disheartened by the lack of subscribers
on this channel but at least two people pleaded with me to make this video so
I’m doing it now please subscribe and I won’t have this problem in the future.
A few things have happened well have been away and in particular on that
well-known medium which is wine Twitter otherwise known as Witter
a nice lady from the US restaurant critic by the name of Helen Rose Nair
posted this tweet Annie got quite a bit of feedback now it seems that she was
having problems ordering wine in a restaurant which is quite normal for
restaurant food critics now there was quite a lot of comment about whether
this list was being unfriendly and challenging and so this set me thinking
and I realized it’s time to step into the ring and share with you some of my
famous tips on ordering wine in a restaurant why am i qualified to do this
I’m a pretty serious restaurant customer I’m a pro are going to restaurants
speaking with Psalms and getting them to give me wine in fact I’m really
well-known in Amsterdam and I have restaurants literally contacting me
every day and pleading with me to come into their restaurant because they so
enjoy the discourse the friendly repartee and the sparring that takes
place when I attend their restaurant in fact I was voted by myself as one of
Amsterdam’s best restaurant wine customers in 2019 but maybe you’re
thinking me giving my tips to heaven on how to water wine this is mansplaining
isn’t it or as she put it in her tweet wine splaining and i want to make this
very clear on simon of orange we do not man’s plain single-gender splaining is
so early 21st century we just don’t do that so today I am going to them explain
you order wine there are a couple of misconceptions that Helen and many
people who commented on this tweet seem to have they all seem to have this idea
that the psalm is there to help you wrong the song is there as the
gatekeeper of the wines the psalm is like the restaurants security system to
make sure that the amazing wines don’t end up in the wrong mouth and that wrong
mouth could be you if you don’t know what you’re doing here’s another thing
this is a little known fact that psalms tried to keep top secret they never
talked about it restaurant wine lists are graded into
five skill levels so you need to match your customer skills with the level of
restaurant wine list that you’re visiting so the level of wine list
Helen was talking about was actually only level two there’s another three
levels above that that’s the so called intermediate level but let’s talk about
all the levels and then I’ll come back to the intermediate level and I’m going
to give some specific advice on how Helen could have said the right word to
order the right wine in that restaurant level one and that’s here if you go to a
restaurant and you see a oneness like this don’t demean yourself either get up
and leave or order a beer I’m not even going to discuss this anymore
level two insin as I said I’ll come back to level to intermediate level and talk
about that later movie true or advanced level to the wine list was only of
French wines this is so 2019 really I mean who drinks French wines anymore for
goodness sake so here we have a serious list of German Rieslings and a few other
bits and pieces if you’re sharp-eyed you’ve probably noticed a clear effect
Riesling a laser chopping couch that’s a sound again
thoughts 2016 I should mention is listed twice now this song is playing with you
there that is immediately a sign to zero in on this wine because one of those
bottles will be better than the other so the type that I would take with this is
to immediately confront the song and say I’d like to have the no sulfites
unfiltered version of the recent illicit rock and car
stunts to please I don’t know that one of them is unfiltered and made without
sulfites but I’ve immediately got the some on the back foot there because they
might not know either so hopefully I’ve already scored some points I’ve already
got them quaking in their boots a bit him her or them and then we’re already
in a good place where I’m looking at a potential victory in the situation
Rosenthal Burke’s Brut this is from a restaurant I
hadn’t heard from before I think it’s called nomads anyway don’t know much
about them but this is quite an interesting list maybe doesn’t look that
difficult at first sight but there’s some hidden dangers in this list now
first of all this restaurant has actually done something extremely
illegal that upsets me they have listed orange wines under the white section
this is illegal I have made a complaint about this I’ve actually complained to
the EU and I hope that they fix this soon because the risk obviously is if
you don’t know what you’re doing you might order an orange wine thinking that
it was a white one and obviously this song will judge you if you do that so
you need to be aware of that before going to this restaurant mobile fourth
floor in case you didn’t think it could get any more difficult it can’t again
this this looks simple we’ve only got four wine makers in this section on this
page they’re all from Slovenia but this restaurant is really ups the ante here
because for two of these producers they haven’t actually listed any wines you
just have to know so if you want to order a gorilla wine you need to know
that the Republic extreme is the bottle that you need so there are making things
a little bit more tricky here for the unwary customer things can really turn
nasty I can highly recommend ordering the wines of Berea but you are gonna get
a strange look if you can’t pronounce something with a winemaker which is
pretty much loved in church so be aware of that and the stern eater by the way
is awesome however I’ve also got to point out with
Mutchnick there’s only one wine listed here and this is a bit of a decoy
actually so they’ve listed the Chardonnay from let’s Nick but you don’t
want to be drinking the Chardonnay because the best wine from one actually
is of course as everybody knows cuvee ana fantastic wine so good in fact that
I’ve actually made it illegal for anyone to drink this wine anymore apart from me
it’s that good but anyway if you go to this restaurant which is less and being
though make sure to ask for cuvee ana and this is another technique which is
very important awfulest ordering never order what is actually on the list if
you can help it you immediately score bonus points and
you will immediately go up in the psalms rating on that note level to
intermediate I did say at the beginning of this video that I’m gonna give some
specific advice on what Helen should have done when faced with this list so
here’s what I do I can clearly see with this list that the restaurant again is
playing a bit of a game because they’ve they’ve listed a few of them or more
obscure wines but they’re inviting you to do awfulest ordering and as a few
clues by what they’ve done by listing the meal on and things like that so if I
go to this restaurant and I’m confronted with this list I would look the song
right in the eye and I would say now just give me a bottle of the big anniver



Feb 2, 2020, 9:25 pm Reply

Would love to see more videos 🙂 Please keep up the good work. You and Geordie Wine Guide are my fav wine youtubers, despite your few videos

Simon of Orange

Feb 2, 2020, 9:32 pm Reply

I'm sure there must be more difficult wine lists out there… I was actually disappointed. Anyone got any leads?
I'm thinking of creating a new level (level 6 – Jedi), and if no restaurant steps up to the plate, I'll write my own list.
How's that eh?

Marek Cielontko

Feb 2, 2020, 9:46 pm Reply

Thank you! Please keep up the great work! I am so amused by your videos! You are deconstructing the wine critic format and I love it.

Ana Monforte Weijters

Feb 2, 2020, 10:08 pm Reply

Just un bottle Ana already


Feb 2, 2020, 11:50 am Reply

I laughed so hard watching this. 🙂
Please keep the videos coming Simon!

Exotic Wine Travel

Feb 2, 2020, 12:33 pm Reply

Thanks for being a "mansplaining" free channel 😛 . Welcome back. Gimmie that Ana Cuvée!!

Werner Parfuß

Feb 2, 2020, 7:58 pm Reply

Viewing this video with subtitles brings it to the next level – Primoz Lavrencic = pretty much loved in church :-))

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