Dry Fridays – SNL

By Brian Lemay 100 comments


>>ALL RIGHT.
WHAT’S UP EVERYONE. SNAKE A SEAT IF YOU CAN.
I’M HUNTER. CLASS OF ’19, AND WELCOME TO
UCONN DRY FRIDAYS. I KNOW YOU’RE ALL HERE BECAUSE
YOU WERE CAUGHT DRINKING IN THE DORMS BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE
CAN’T HAVE SOME FUN. DANA’S GOT SOME ‘ZA FOR US.
>>AND CHEESY BREAD! WHAT WHAT?
>>NICE! SO IF IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME AT
DRY FRIDAYS GO AHEAD AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF AND TELL US
WHY YOU’RE HERE.>>OKAY.
I CAN GO. I’M JENNA AND I GOT CAUGHT
DRINKING A BEER IN MY SUITE. IT JUST SUCKS BECAUSE ‘TWAS THE
NIGHT BEFORE MY 21st BIRTHDAY.>>YEAH, ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY
ON CAMPUS. WHAT’S UP, MAN?
>>HEY, I’M KENNY AND I WAS POURING VODKA INTO A WATER
BOTTLE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN MY R.A. WALKED IN.
>>OH, BUSTED. HI, THERE.
>>HEY. I’M COURTNEY.
CLASSIC COLLEGE STORY. I DRANK 40 BEERS, GOT NAKED,
GRABBED A CHAINSAW, AND WENT BEHIND NORTH QUAD, AND CUT DOWN
35 PINE TREES. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’VE DONE IT, YOU’VE DONE IT, BUT OF COURSE THIS TIME I GET
CAUGHT, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YEAH, I MEAN, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
BUT THAT’S A GOOD SEGUE. BECAUSE EVERYONE’S DONE OR KNOWS
SOMEONE WHO’S DONE SOMETHING STUPID WHILE DRUNK.
RIGHT, DANA?>>THANKS, HUNT.
YES. FRESHMAN YEAR I HAD A FEW TOO
MANY AND MOONED A COP.>>OH, MY FRIEND R.J. FELL AND
KNOCKED OUT THREE OF HIS BOTTOM TEETH.
>>OH, AND LAST WEEKEND I DID A 10-MINUTE SOLO KEG STAND AND GOT
SO FADED. I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING I’M
LIKE LIKE, WHEN DID I GET A NO-HAWK?
>>A NO-HAWK?>>IT’S HIKE AN OPPOSITE MOHAWK.
>>UH, OKAY. YEAH.
SEE, SOMETIMES IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT, RIGHT?
>>YEAH, DUDE, TOTALLY. ANYONE EVER GET WASTED AND TEXT
AN EX?>>YES!
>>OR EVER ORDER FOOD AND THEN PASS OUT BEFORE IT’S DELIVERED?
THAT WAS MY MOVE FRESHMAN YEAR.>>YEAH, BUT DID YOU EVER BLACK
OUT AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP YOU HAVE A DOG-TRACKING CHIP IN YOUR
NECK AND YOU’RE LIKE, WHAT IS THAT?
>>NO.>>YEAH, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE’S
GOT A STORY. COURTNEY, GO AHEAD AND POP THAT
BEANIE BACK ON IF YOU WANT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I’LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU GUYS. MY FRESHMAN YEAR, DANA KNOWS
ABOUT THIS, I PASSED OUT IN THE HALL OUTSIDE MY DORM ROOM.
>>AND I CAN BEAT THAT. SPRING WEEKEND I PASSED OUT IN
THE TACO BELL BATHROOM.>>OH, MAN, I CAN’T TOP THAT.
BUT ONE TIME I PASSED OUT ON MR. SHINTO’S ISLAND AND TOTALLY
MISSED THE SUBMARINE BACK TO THE MAINLAND.
MR. SHINTO WAS SO MAD AT ME. YEAH.
>>ALL RIGHT. YEAH.
UH, NOT REALLY SURE WHO MR. SHINTO IS OR WHAT THAT STORY WAS
ABOUT, BUT ALL RIGHT.>>YEAH, AND LIKE IF YOU’RE
COLD, FEEL FREE TO GO AHEAD AND POP THAT BEANIE BACK ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE POINT IS DRINKING CAN LEAD
TO BAD CHOICES. LIKE, WHEN I WAS DRUNK AND GOT A
TRAMP STAMP.>>IT’S A MERMAID.
>>THANKS, HUNT!>>I GOT YOU BEAT.
YOU KNOW THOSE INDIGENOUS TRIBES THAT PUT, LIKE DISCS IN THEIR
LIPS LIKE THIS? I GOT THAT BUT I GOT IT —
>>OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, COURTNEY.
WE’LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. OKAY?
I THINK THEY’VE ALL SEEN THE HAIRCUT BY NOW SO FEEL FREE TO
POP THAT BEANIE BACK ON.>>GUYS, WE’RE NOT HERE TO
LECTURE YOU OR TELL YOU NOT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
BUT THE FACT IS THAT HEAVY DRINKING DOES SOME REAL NASTY
STUFF TO YOUR BODY.>>YEAH, LIKE IF I GO HARD ONE
WEEKEND, I GET LIKE HEARTBURN FOR A WEEK AND I’M JUST LIKE
TIRED OF THAT.>>YEAH, I’M LIKE LEGIT WORRIED
ABOUT MY BODY. A MONTH AGO I GOT BLITZED BY
MYSELF AND I GUESS I ATE EGGS OR SOMETHING.
THE NEXT MORNING, SORRY IF THIS IS KIND OF NASTY.
GUY TO THE BATHROOM AND AN EGG JUST — IT’S — IT COMES OUT AND
IT’S STILL IN ITS SHELL. MY BODY IS SO JACKED I CAN’T
DIGEST AN EGG? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>RIGHT. I MEAN —
I DON’T KNOW IF ALCOHOL DOES THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE YOU DIDN’T NECESSARILY EAT
THE EGG? IF THAT MAKES SENSE?
MAYBE YOU –>>OH MY GOD, THAT DOES MAKE SO
MUCH MORE SENSE. BECAUSE I HATE EGGS.
I WOULD NEVER EAT ONE.>>BUT YOU WOULD PUT ONE —
>>OKAY, HEY, WE DON’T NEED TO SAY IT.
I THINK PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO GET OUR ZA?
>>I’M SORRY, I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT — THAT EGG.
HOW DID IT NOT CRACK? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>I WANT TO HEAR SO MUCH MORE ABOUT MR. SHINTO.
>>YEAH, DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF THAT DISK THING?
>>YEAH, I’M SURE WE ALL WANT COURTNEY TO ANSWER SOME
QUESTIONS AND MAYBE PUT THAT BEANIE BACK ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] LET’S WAIT TILL AFTER THE
MEETING.>>YEAH, I MEAN, AFTER PARTY, MY
PLACE, I GOT KEG SHOTS, WHATEVER.
MY ROOMMATE IS REALLY COOL BUT ALL OF HIS WIVES ARE SO
ANNOYING. IT’S CRAZY.
>>WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

100 Comments

Ryan Moreland

Sep 9, 2019, 5:31 pm Reply

That egg joke is great

Gregory Fister

Sep 9, 2019, 4:33 am Reply

I too want to hear so much more about Mr Shinto 🤔🤔

LindemannAdam

Sep 9, 2019, 11:32 am Reply

i would love to see Kristen's tattoo.

Jeremiah Love

Sep 9, 2019, 5:58 pm Reply

"What is your life?" best question on the whole sketch…

the drunken ramblings north east UK

Sep 9, 2019, 3:37 pm Reply

I am that person who tells (what I think to be) a hilarious mishap or anecdote and recieve silent looks of horror

Vince Green

Sep 9, 2019, 3:58 pm Reply

OMG Kristen is the best <3

What up i’m Jared

Sep 9, 2019, 9:47 pm Reply

pop that beanie back on

Honest Insincerity 2

Sep 9, 2019, 9:10 am Reply

I'm sorry but I just don't like her acting. Everything I've seen her in, it reminds me of watching a first year drama student struggling to remember her lines yet somehow over-acting.

Pardeep Kumar

Sep 9, 2019, 12:09 pm Reply

Kristen😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Soufflé Samuel

Sep 9, 2019, 9:06 pm Reply

I dont think that was alcohol

Human Human

Sep 9, 2019, 2:58 pm Reply

Dry Friday’s lol. Sober people stuff.

T C

Sep 9, 2019, 3:30 pm Reply

The guys here look older than the ones in Grease

Ian Stiehl

Sep 9, 2019, 4:10 pm Reply

Moral of the story: Women who drink a lot tend to be very interesting people

…and this is the most unfuckable Kristen has ever looked.

ᴀɴɪᴍᴇ ʟɪsᴛɪᴄ

Oct 10, 2019, 7:08 am Reply

"Pop that beanie back on." Put that on a t-shirt or something so I can buy it. 😂

dhltn8624

Oct 10, 2019, 5:46 am Reply

It's pronounced suh. Lasangna zagna za. Pizza suh.

jbn675478

Oct 10, 2019, 2:54 am Reply

Mikey Day just isn't funny

Neon Seven

Oct 10, 2019, 3:11 pm Reply

Hardcore mode. 😂

Edy Coyote

Oct 10, 2019, 4:21 pm Reply

Let me get this straight, you can't "drink in the dorm" even if your legal age? What the fuck? I'm paying you tens of thousands of dollars and am of legal drinking age and you're playing my nanny? Fuck that

Visa

Oct 10, 2019, 4:48 pm Reply

Mikey is so underrated

Samantha Green

Oct 10, 2019, 3:56 am Reply

They really nailed the exact tone of voice of any older college student in an authority position D: Gives me war flash backs to college orientation….

Apciconte

Oct 10, 2019, 8:03 pm Reply

ITS NOT ZA ITS SUH!!!!!!!

Samu Balogh

Oct 10, 2019, 9:00 pm Reply

Dana from dry Fridays looks like someone from TKOR or The King Of Random

Lyanna Millen

Oct 10, 2019, 3:25 am Reply

I want to meet Mr shinto!

jabba da hutt

Oct 10, 2019, 3:06 pm Reply

No hawk, dog tracking chip… funny
Mr. Shinto's island

jabba da hutt

Oct 10, 2019, 3:07 pm Reply

Her body is so jacked, she can not eat an egg. Go courtney, go courtney

Paula Gilbert

Oct 10, 2019, 5:22 pm Reply

LASAGNA ZA, PIZZA SUH!!!!

avix007

Oct 10, 2019, 7:21 pm Reply

Aidy has the perfect voice for that kind of questions.

long xiao

Oct 10, 2019, 3:12 am Reply

If half of her acting in this skit was brought out when she was shooting the Twilight franchise…

Brenda Gissel

Oct 10, 2019, 7:21 am Reply

I love kristen so much ❤️

Chloe Wilcox

Oct 10, 2019, 3:11 am Reply

Wow Bella Swan really let herself go huh?

Veronica Cordova

Oct 10, 2019, 12:58 pm Reply

I ACTUALLY got caught drinking when I was a sophomore at uconn, almost got kicked out of dorm

Andres Guerrero Reyes

Oct 10, 2019, 6:44 pm Reply

Awww okay

Katelyn Morgan

Oct 10, 2019, 11:30 am Reply

Kristian Bell killed it. So funny. I’ve sen it but still damn funny

Harry Dickus

Oct 10, 2019, 1:03 pm Reply

I wanted to see Courtney’s tattoo 😕

ohIcanChangeMyNameIDKthat

Oct 10, 2019, 4:46 pm Reply

Kristen Stewart is hot as hell

Rachel Waln

Oct 10, 2019, 6:02 am Reply

I would pay to go to dry Friday

Anathi Bungani

Oct 10, 2019, 7:24 am Reply

The leg bounce just took me out

C B

Oct 10, 2019, 7:31 am Reply

I laughed more then I should

Ms. Filmfeline

Oct 10, 2019, 11:08 pm Reply

Kristen's stories are the best lol"
go ahead Courtney and pop that beeney right back on" lol

coattail

Oct 10, 2019, 2:32 am Reply

I want that chubby black guys d.

Katie Lynch

Oct 10, 2019, 3:04 am Reply

lmaooooo both my parents teach at UConn

Christi Nash

Oct 10, 2019, 4:30 am Reply

Lol the chick who is actually an alcoholic

The softest part of a woman’s breast is?

Oct 10, 2019, 9:16 am Reply

Yeah yeah anyway can you put that hat back on though

MiguellaGorilla

Oct 10, 2019, 1:26 pm Reply

It's 2019…still waiting for her to go ahead and uhh…pop that beanie back on…

XboxTurtle

Oct 10, 2019, 1:39 pm Reply

It's (Peet-Suh, Suh) (lasagna-Za)

Jeffrey Hahn

Oct 10, 2019, 11:44 pm Reply

You all suck at comedy. Smelly fish.

Avatar1454

Oct 10, 2019, 8:14 am Reply

She forgot the one where she got so wasted she cheated on her boyfriend with the Director

GG2K7AU05

Oct 10, 2019, 12:48 pm Reply

Imagine Bella had no-hawk in the entire twilight series.

FuzZ360DUBS i

Oct 10, 2019, 1:38 pm Reply

Kristen is gorgeous

Chloe Totman

Oct 10, 2019, 2:39 pm Reply

Wait a minute…didn’t Pete Davidson get arrested for ordering za (which was lasagna)?? And they just called pizza "za" in this sketch? Keep it consistent you guys…or release Pete from jail 😂😂

rhyme fest za

Oct 10, 2019, 11:48 pm Reply

Pop that beanie back on 😄😃🤣

Sapphirewingthefurrycritic

Oct 10, 2019, 12:50 am Reply

Who the fresh hell is Mr. Shinto?

Blacky Heartal

Oct 10, 2019, 1:52 am Reply

Courtney is that Crazzzzzzzyyyyyy chic

Patrick Kealy

Oct 10, 2019, 1:58 pm Reply

God Almighty I hope Cecily looks in the mirror and realizes what a tubbo she has become. Once upon a time she was hot hot smokin hot.

Christopher Minutolo

Oct 10, 2019, 3:49 pm Reply

I'd drink too if my UCONN staff said "noice" and "za"

colleen ryan

Oct 10, 2019, 9:25 pm Reply

hope i get into uconn so i can meet courtney

Furry Trash the movie

Oct 10, 2019, 9:40 pm Reply

I hate that this is me but I don’t drink.

Julian Triana

Oct 10, 2019, 2:59 am Reply

Pop that beanie back on 😁😋

Upfront Gamer

Oct 10, 2019, 8:47 pm Reply

I would love to hangout with this girl. She sounds fun

Laykan Thee Alien

Oct 10, 2019, 12:50 am Reply

Nohawk 😎

Laykan Thee Alien

Oct 10, 2019, 12:52 am Reply

She laid a freakin egg 🥚

E G

Oct 10, 2019, 1:34 pm Reply

Petes face at 1:39 is priceless lmaooo

E G

Oct 10, 2019, 1:34 pm Reply

Petes face at 1:39 is priceless lmaooo

5k Subs With No Vidoes

Oct 10, 2019, 10:08 pm Reply

'za? I think you mean to say suh. It's pizza-suh, lasagna-sagna-za

Praveen Sunkari

Oct 10, 2019, 5:19 pm Reply

That egg thing.. How did it not hatch.

caramel coffee

Oct 10, 2019, 2:35 pm Reply

the "i can't digest an egg?" line kills me everytime, i love how kristen looks like she might be about to laugh so she diverts the energy into being jittery

Vince Green

Oct 10, 2019, 11:39 pm Reply

omg that's literarily me when people are telling their stories im just there being Kristen in the middle lol

Beastogamingofficial

Oct 10, 2019, 4:24 am Reply

I'm sorry it's just so sad to see anybody over 19 pretend to be anybody under 18

Painted_Doll7

Oct 10, 2019, 10:08 pm Reply

I absolutely love Kristen Bell

Angelina Heaton

Oct 10, 2019, 12:09 am Reply

I feel like this is Kristen at her most natural acting 🙂

Yass Btch

Oct 10, 2019, 11:18 am Reply

I want Courtney to teach me how to live my life.

Natalia c

Oct 10, 2019, 2:01 am Reply

They just graduated this year omg :')

ella rosenberg

Oct 10, 2019, 3:59 am Reply

kristen is so hot wtf

jenna

Oct 10, 2019, 7:17 pm Reply

pOp thAt beanIE baCK oN

VETERANS 4TRUMP

Oct 10, 2019, 9:24 am Reply

Wow Kristen stewart sucks

Ronaldas Ronaldas

Oct 10, 2019, 3:45 pm Reply

What is your life?!

Shi Yan

Oct 10, 2019, 8:38 pm Reply

I have an English language question (I'm not a native speaker.). When Kristen Stewart talked about the egg ("Next morning, I go to the bathroom and the egg comes out …"), why didn't she use the past tense? Is it ok to use the present tense here?

Golden 47

Oct 10, 2019, 5:49 am Reply

That egg incident was hilarious. Way too funny

Golden 47

Oct 10, 2019, 5:51 am Reply

Legend has it that he's still telling her (to this day) indirectly to put that beanie back on.

Bigg Papa

Oct 10, 2019, 8:58 pm Reply

In OTHER words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DRINK and HAVE A FUCKING AMAZING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you LITTLE COLLEGE/UNIVERSITY BITCH SKIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan Quinn

Oct 10, 2019, 11:33 pm Reply

ITS SUH, NOT ZA

Justin Stuckey

Oct 10, 2019, 3:13 am Reply

Kristen's nervous mannerisms in this sketch are amazing

J.P. Welsh

Oct 10, 2019, 8:21 pm Reply

SNL rules…

X

Oct 10, 2019, 10:14 pm Reply

It’s not “Zah” it’s “Suh”
pizza peet suh SUH

Michele Rich

Nov 11, 2019, 3:55 am Reply

I love how they used 'pop that beanie back on' so many times but it was funny every time XD

Michael Bryant

Nov 11, 2019, 12:00 am Reply

one time i had sex with a dry whore

Danny Thompson

Nov 11, 2019, 7:20 pm Reply

I got so Fu….aded. Nice save Kristan.

Elizabeth hines

Nov 11, 2019, 9:03 am Reply

Watching this again cuz this episode she did EVERY skit was GOLD hahaha love Kristen

FranciKatherine Melton-Jones

Nov 11, 2019, 11:23 am Reply

Lmao! Was not expecting that! I freakin love her!

Rohit Kandala

Nov 11, 2019, 4:21 pm Reply

fEeL fReE tO pOp ThAt BeAnIe BaCk On

kenna

Nov 11, 2019, 5:16 am Reply

i’m pressed they didn’t continue this when she came back

Nick C

Nov 11, 2019, 5:16 am Reply

This feels like Katya at a NA meeting

War pig hammer Jr

Nov 11, 2019, 1:14 pm Reply

Passed out after ordering food ? 😏

Kyle

Nov 11, 2019, 5:05 pm Reply

But….who is Mr Shinto?

Stanley Shady

Nov 11, 2019, 1:36 am Reply

damn Kristen would be so damn hot if she didn't dress and act like a Gothic homeless lesbian junkie

Stanley Shady

Nov 11, 2019, 1:38 am Reply

Why does she always look so uncomfortable.. somebody should tell her what an actress is suppose to do..

bob orton

Nov 11, 2019, 9:57 am Reply

They got Za? All I see is some SUH!

kimberrly darling

Nov 11, 2019, 4:30 pm Reply

Me at church every Sunday. Hahaha

Deyanna C

Nov 11, 2019, 4:38 am Reply

I've never felt prouder to be from UCONN.

Shonok Rohan

Nov 11, 2019, 6:58 pm Reply

man i wish they made another Mr Shintoh sketch with Kristen

Leave a Reply