A Shining Light, a Good Day in Court, and Too Many Beverages

By Brian Lemay No comments


(upbeat music) (whooshing) Robert Bochie. Morning, Your Honor. Good morning, sir. Mr. Bouchie, you’re charged with speeding on Blackstone Boulevard. Yes, Your Honor. (clears throat) Two choices, pay $50 or come back and have a trial. I think if there was a police officer there, Your Honor, none of us would’ve got a ticket. I know the legislature has decided to use these computers and these cameras to… Plead not guilty.
Set the people free. Plead not guilty, come back and challenge it. I don’t really have the time to do that. I think Elijah would say, “No rain will fall on Providence “until they stop this foolishness.” But, I’m not Elijah.
Mm-hmm. Neither am I. Thanks for your great humor and great entertainment this morning. Well, here’s my theory, okay? You-you brought that up but I just want to explain this to you. For the most part, at least, at least, 90% of the people who are seated before me today, this will be their only experience with the judicial system in the state of Rhode Island. Amen. These are not crimes of moral turpitude. These are traffic offenses, we’ve all committed traffic offenses. So for the most part, none of you are gonna be in court, except for this. And court can be a pretty intimidating experience. You come in, there are pictures of judges, I’m in a robe, right? You’ve got a guy with a gun over here, right? You got flags behind me, you got cameras in the courtroom. So, it’s very intimidating. So, how would… particularly, there were young people in the court room, you know? So if I started yelling at everyone saying, “This is terrible, what kind of an example are you “setting for your child?” And, “How dare you? “You’re a danger to public safety.” And a variety of things that I could tell people. It’s a very intimidating experience and it casts a very bad impression upon the judicial system in general. So, I’m here anyway. I try to make court as pleasurable as possible. I take no pleasure in fining anybody any money. I don’t wear a badge under my robe, I don’t, okay? I hope to have a heart under my robe so that I can take some things into consideration and if I can, I do, alright? So, that’s the whole theory behind me trying to inject some levity into these proceedings. Having said all that, it’s going to cost you $50. (laughter) And I take no pleasure in doing that. You’re a great light to Rhode Island and America, Your Honor. Oh, thank you so much. (funky music) Wandalize Maldonado. Morning. Good morning. Okay, you have a red light violation. Yeah, I wasn’t aware of it, I never got the ticket. I found out here. The red light violation? Yes. Okay, it was… it was four months ago. We’re going to take a look at it, okay? Okay. (background talking) Okay, you see the car right behind the bus? Mm-hmm. That was your car, were you driving? No. No? Who was driving? My boyfriend. Your boyfriend.
Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. I was at work at that time. That’s why I’m looking, I’m like, “School bus?” Yeah, I was at work. Alright, now, I don’t want you to be too tough on him. (chuckles) Okay? So I know that when you leave here, you’re going to be saying to him, “What did you do? “You went through a red light!” Right? Don’t do that. (chuckles) I’ll tell you why. Two things, number one, he was behind the bus. Okay. Which means he couldn’t see the light. But when he went through the light, it was three-tenths of a second. Okay. Alright, I dismiss them when it’s three-tenths of a second. So he’ll just get a fair warning then. So, it’s not going to cost you anything. Now if you want to go back and tell him, you know it almost, almost, cost me $85. Oh, yeah. That you saved him $85. For sure. The least he can do is give you half of that. Or, all of it. Charge him $42.50. Okay. Okay. Tell him the judge said that. Okay. You going to do that?
I sure will. You think you’ll get the money from him? Oh, I sure will. You will? (laughter)
Yes. Whew, I’d like to witness that. Okay, you had a good day in court today. Thank you. Good luck to you. Thank you. (bass music) (whooshing) Brandon Kelly. This is complaint number A-18086. Charges Mr. Kelly with possession of an open alcoholic container. Council, identify yourself for the record, please. Good morning, Your Honor. Attorney Val Saltman for Mr. Kelly. You want to be heard? Yes, Your Honor. How’s your client plead? He pleads guilty, Your Honor. He pleads guilty.
He’d like it dismissed time, sir. Yes.
That solves that. You’re guilty. (laughs) But, we’d like it dismissed time, sir. Is he sober? He’s completely sober. It was, he had just taken a couple of sips of his beer. He’s sober and guilty. It could be true, yes. Alright. In that order, right? Or the other order? He was guilty, then sober. He was guilty,
Probably guilty, then sober.
then he became sober. Well, I, were you sober at the time? Yeah.
I thought so. I just had one beer. I literally just walked out of the store, I just bought it. Get close to the mic, get close. I just had one beer. I just walked to the store and bought it. I was walking from one porch to the other. And then, I don’t know, cops… ‘Cause I got a couple of buddies who live near the liquor store, you know, so, I was going in. You know, I was like, “Hey, how’s it going!” They just, I don’t know. Are you sure you only had one beer? Yeah. I mean, you sound like you’re still not talking coherently. Here’s your explanation, “I went to the store and (mumbles) the cop came and (mumbles).” Can I hear that again, please? Well, like, I went to the store.
(snickering) I got one beer and I went from one porch to the other to go see like– Oh. I was talking to one of my friends on a porch over here, and I was going to a porch over there where, you know, another one of my friends was hanging out ’cause it was a nice day, you know? So… I don’t know, I was just walking across the street, kinda and like, I don’t know, the cop, like pulled me over. Between one porch and another porch is public property, so I think that’s where they caught him, Your Honor. Yeah. You had the beer in your hand? Yeah. Was it the bottle or was it, what was it, a can? What was it? It was a bottle. Yeah, what kinda beer was it? Miller High Life. You were in a cell? They kept you in a cell all night because of this, right? Yeah. Did they feed you? No. You didn’t get any breakfast? Nope. No. Inspector Quinn, are you eating the breakfast again from the cell block– I’m serious this time, too. Your Honor, even if I was locked up I probably wouldn’t eat that. You wouldn’t eat that breakfast? No. Well, then they were trying to save him. They didn’t want to give him that breakfast. Really, we did him a favor. (laughs) You hungry? Eh, little bit. Well, you’re not going to get any food here, I’ll just get you out faster so you can go buy some. Thank you. I think he’s suffered enough. He had a– Absolutely. He had one beer. He went from here to here to see the guy from here to here and he ended up in jail all night. Oh my God yeah, pretty much, yeah, it’s– At any rate, I think you suffered more than enough for the alleged offense. So the case is going to be dismissed. Thank you. Where you going now? Um. Get another beer. No, no. I don’t exactly know yet. Probably to get some breakfast. Yeah, go get some food, go see my buddy in Cranston. Not the guy you went over here to over here for. No, no. Way up in Cranston. Oh, the guy that went from there to there. Yeah.
Alright, good luck to you. All the way, yeah. Thank you.
Alright. Thank you, Your Honor. All rise and hit subscribe so you don’t miss the latest viral moments like this one. Share these videos and weigh in on the cases. You be the judge. Subscribe now.

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